Parenting is a journey filled with countless everyday moments that shape our children into confident, capable individuals. As parents, we have the opportunity to nurture their strengths, foster their independence, and create an environment where they feel valued and understood. In this post, I’ll share some of the lessons I’ve learned about recognizing and encouraging my children’s unique qualities — from celebrating their strengths and supporting their personal choices to fostering open conversations and showing small acts of care that leave a lasting impact. I’ll also include real-life examples of how these approaches have worked in our family, along with meaningful reflections from my own experiences. Plus, there’s a bonus tip at the end!
Tip #1
Recognizing Their Strengths
Everyone loves to feel good at something, and our kids are no different. I’ve noticed that when I ask my children to do tasks, they often feel overwhelmed. What should be a simple job can quickly feel like an insurmountable challenge. But I realized that when I focus on their strengths and praise what they do well, the task becomes much easier for them.
For example, I tell my youngest how great he is at making his bed, paying attention to how straight the blanket is. As a result, that part of his room is always the tidiest when I ask him to clean. When kids feel like they’re good at something, it stops being a chore and becomes something they’re excited to do. They look forward to showing off what they’ve learned and feel proud as they get better with each practice. This idea was reinforced for me when I read Mini Habits by Stephan Guise, which explains how small wins lead to long-term success. As he explains in the book, getting a win makes it easier to continue because the feeling of accomplishment motivates you to keep going. The key is consistency. As kids practice and improve, it fuels their motivation and helps them feel more capable—not just in completing chores but in their growing confidence and abilities.
Incorporating this small habit of recognizing their strengths has made guiding them to add their own habits easier. Whether it’s reading time, piano practice, or other daily routines, once they see how good they are at something, they’re eager to keep building on that success. When I tell them their song sounds good or that they’re reading more smoothly, they get even more excited to practice. It makes them eager to show me how much they’ve improved, and soon they’re excited to read their homework stories aloud or play a new piano piece. These tiny habits, done consistently, have made them feel accomplished and motivated to continue.
A few questions to help integrate this step into your life:
- How can we create more opportunities for our kids to discover their strengths and build confidence in their own abilities?
- What small wins can you celebrate today to spark your child’s confidence and motivation?
- What strengths can you help your child recognize today to set them on the path to greater confidence?
Challenge: Take a moment today to notice something your child does well and praise them for it. Watch how their confidence grows!
Tip #2
Making Lunches with Love
This may seem like a small thing, but hear me out. When I was a kid, I often went without lunch. The only times I ate were when a teacher noticed and sent me to the lunch line. That’s when I’d receive the dreaded red stamp—the “Stamp of Shame.” It was a public sign that I couldn’t afford lunch, but even worse, it meant trouble at home. As soon as I walked through the door, I’d be dragged to the bathroom by my hair, where my hands were scrubbed raw to remove the mark. Scrubbed until they were so red and raw, it felt like I had no skin left. To my family, that stamp was as unacceptable as a tattoo.
On top of that, I’d hear kids complain about how gross school lunches were. I never quite understood that. The few times I actually got a tray, I was just grateful I didn’t have to worry about what might be in my food—unlike at home, where I sometimes had to check my rice for glass. Yes, you read that right! But that’s another story. LOL. What I did understand, though, was that the cool kids—the ones with moms who cared—had home-packed lunches filled with the best treats. They had Lunchables, fruit roll-ups, those little pudding cups, and chips in a bag that wasn’t the off-brand kind from the food pantry. Their sandwiches were neatly wrapped, their drinks came in juice boxes, and they never had to eat with the shame of a red stamp on their hands.
Now, my kids have never had an experience like that, but I always promised myself that when I became a mom, I’d make sure they had good lunches—sandwiches, chips, a fruit or veggie, and a treat. Reality, however, made that harder than I expected. Mornings were a struggle, and I often foun
d myself scrambling to pack their lunches. Eventually, I realized that prepping them the night before and setting them on a clear plastic tray made all the difference. Not only did it make mornings easier, but those trays completely transformed how I organize my fridge. What started as a simple lunch prep solution turned into a game-changer for my entire kitchen. Now, everything has its place, and I actually enjoy opening the fridge instead of feeling overwhelmed by the chaos.
And beyond just the organization, seeing those neatly lined-up lunches each day is healing for me. It’s a quiet reminder that I am breaking the cycle, that my kids will never know the hunger, shame, or fear I did. Even the smallest acts of care can mean so much—not just for them, but for me too.
A few questions to help integrate this step into your life:
- How do the small, everyday acts of care you show—whether for yourself or others—help shape a sense of security and love? What seemingly simple routines in your life hold deeper meaning than they first appear?
- What are the small ways you show love and care in your daily life, and how might they be making a bigger impact than you realize?
- What everyday rituals in your life are not just tasks, but acts of love—both for others and for yourself?
Challenge: Try prepping lunches the night before for a week and see if it makes your mornings smoother.
Tip #3
Hank’s Garden Breakfast
I love having a garden in the spring and summer. There’s something magical about stepping outside in the morning, feeling the warmth of the sun, and breathing in the fresh air. I used to go out alone to check on the chickens and tend the garden, but my youngest son quickly fell in love with this ritual too.
One morning, as I headed outside, he called, “Wait for me, Momma!” Still in his pajamas, he threw on his Crocs and joined me. He marveled at how everything was growing and eagerly checked if anything was big enough to pick. He’d gather cherry tomatoes, a bell pepper here and there, and his absolute favorite—peas. He’d pop them open and eat them one by one. By the time we were done, he’d say, “That’s the best breakfast I’ve ever had.” One of our favorite simple garden breakfasts is what we call Hank’s Garden Breakfast—freshly picked veggies paired with eggs from our backyard chickens, all gathered in our favorite egg basket.
Over time, I’ve watched him not just enjoy the harvest but truly appreciate the work that goes into it. He’s learned to love watching things grow and taking care of the plants, even when it’s hard work. And maybe that’s why those veggies taste even better—because he helped care for them.
It’s also such a joy to watch the garden change over the season. The excitement of those first tiny
sprouts popping up through the soil never gets old. Each new plant feels like a little miracle. Then, as the weeks go by, the plants begin to form the tiniest vegetables—little green tomatoes, baby peppers, tiny peas—and we marvel at how quickly they grow. It’s amazing to watch something so small and delicate transform into something we can eat and enjoy, all because we’ve tended to it with care and patience. And few things makes me prouder than the moment I can finally put together our first full meal of the summer using nothing but ingredients from the garden—it’s the most satisfying and rewarding feeling.
This has also helped him develop a love for whole, natural foods rather than just craving processed snacks. He’s learned that eating fresh, homegrown veggies from the garden makes his body feel so much better than when we grab fast food or packaged meals. There’s something about the vibrant colors and fresh flavors that give him energy and make him feel more connected to his body. It’s a lesson I’m grateful he’s learning early—that food, when treated with care, can fuel and nourish us in ways that processed food simply can’t.
Now, every summer, I look forward to my little garden buddy wandering through, picking and snacking as he goes. It’s a beautiful reminder that I’m teaching my kids to work hard, appreciate nature, and nourish their bodies with food that fuels them.
A few questions to help integrate this step into your life:
- What small changes can you make in your life to slow down, care for something from the ground up, and watch it transform?
- What would happen if we took the time to grow and care for more of the things that nourish us, whether that’s food, relationships, or passions?
- How can you find more ways to invest in the small things that bring you joy and help you grow—whether it’s through nature, a hobby, or a meaningful connection?
Challenge: If you have space, try growing a small herb or vegetable plant with your child and enjoy the process together.
Tip #4
Letting Kids Express Their Style
This one has been hard for me. But I’ve learned that letting my kids make choices—even if I don’t love them—is important. Take the mullet, for example. Every kid was rocking one for a while, and some looked better than others. Then there were my two oldest boys, who wanted to grow their hair out—long. Family members constantly nagged me, saying I needed to “take care” of my boys and get their hair cut. From behind, it looked like I had three little girls and one tiny boy!
But I stood firm. If this was how they wanted to express themselves, I was okay with that. I wanted them to know that no matter their hairstyle or clothing choices, Mom loves and supports them. That lesson was more important than my personal opinion on haircuts. Letting them choose how they dress, what their hair looks like, or how they express their personalities gives them the freedom to be themselves—and that’s more valuable than any style I might prefer.
When I was a little girl, I didn’t have the freedom to choose what I wore. Most of the time, I was put in boy clothes—t-shirts that didn’t fit right, or worse, t-shirts with images or text that the adults in my life deemed inappropriate. When that happened, the shirt would have to be turned inside out, so no one could see the graphic or the words. I didn’t get to express myself through my clothes, and looking back, it felt stifling. That’s why now, I want my kids to have the freedom to wear what feels right to them. It’s about letting them know that their choices matter, and they can express themselves without judgment.
One day, while shopping with my little girl, we came across some pants that, to be honest, I thought looked good on no one. The cut and style weren’t something I would’ve chosen for her, but she was so excited about them. She wanted them, and I hesitated. Still, I let her have them, even though I wasn’t sure. As soon as she put them on, though, she wore them with such confidence and excitement that I couldn’t help but smile. Not only did she look cute, but others in the store were stopping to tell her how darling she looked in them! It was a reminder that sometimes, it’s not about what I think or what others think—it’s about how my kids feel when they express themselves in their own way.
Teaching my kids to be confident and sure of their choices—no matter what others may think—is a priority in my motherhood journey. I want them to grow up knowing that their voice matters, and they can stand tall in their decisions. The more I let them express themselves and embrace their own style, the more I see them bloom into the people they’re meant to be. This is their trial period—an important time in their lives to try things, make mistakes, and discover who they are before becoming adults. Creating a safe space for them to experiment, without fear of judgment, is crucial for helping them build the confidence they need for the future.
A few questions to help integrate this step into your life:
- How can we create an environment where our children feel empowered to make their own choices and confidently express who they are, without fear of judgment?
- How often do we let our own preferences or opinions limit the way our children express themselves, and what would happen if we fully embraced their individuality?
Challenge: Let your child make a small personal choice this week, whether it’s their hairstyle, outfit, or how they decorate their room.
Tip #5
Finding Their Love Language
We hear a lot about love languages—how we express and receive love—but have you ever considered your child’s love language?
My kids are wildly different. One thrives on quality time, while another finds it exhausting. One loves giving gifts but hates receiving them. One needs to talk all day to feel connected, while another prefers action over words. It’s a lot to keep up with, but I’ve learned that honoring their individual ways of feeling loved is crucial. They don’t have to understand or share each other’s love languages, but they do need to know that it’s okay to be different.
Kids are unique and special because they haven’t yet figured out exactly what they need and want. As a mom, I have the opportunity to introduce them to different ways of expressing and receiving love. It’s an experiment, one where neither of us knows the exact outcome, but that’s what makes it so rewarding—we get to discover the answer together.
Like most kids, mine have sometimes said, “You love so-and-so more than me.” But I always reply, “No, I love them differently. If I showed my love to you the same way I do to them, you wouldn’t like it—would you?” This helps them see that love isn’t about fairness in the way they imagine it. It’s about understanding and meeting each person’s unique needs.
One thing I’ve realized is that love languages can change depending on the relationship—and that’s okay. Just like how certain conversations flow effortlessly with a best friend but feel awkward with someone else, love languages aren’t one-size-fits-all. I’ve had times in my life when I was struggling, and one friend’s words brought me comfort, while the exact same words from someone else rubbed me the wrong way. Why is that? More than anything, I think it comes down to the relationship itself. Knowing where you stand with someone is a key part of any relationship, and understanding how to express and receive love within that dynamic is just as important.
A few questions to help integrate this step into your life:
- Have you ever paid attention to the unique ways your children feel loved? What small change could you make today to show them love in the way they need it most?”
- How can you show love in a way that truly speaks to each of your children, even if it’s different from how you naturally express it?
- What would happen if you started loving your children in the way that makes them feel most valued, rather than the way that feels most natural to you?
Challenge: Observe how your child naturally expresses love and try mirroring it back to them.
**Bonus Tip!**
Tip #6
Encouraging Conversation and Exploration
One of my favorite parenting wins is creating an environment where my kids feel comfortable asking questions—any questions.
Because they know they don’t have to wait for the “right” moment, we’ve had countless meaningful conversations. They’ve learned that curiosity is a good thing, that asking for clarification is encouraged, and that trying new things—even failing at them—is part of the process. When I hear one of my kids say, “I’m not good at this yet, but I need to keep trying,” I know I’m doing something right.
Recently, my daughter’s soccer coach pulled me aside to tell me how impressed he was with her. He said she’s always quick to ask for clarification when she doesn’t understand a drill or instruction. “It’s so refreshing,” he told me. “Instead of standing around looking confused and not participating, she just asks, ‘What do you mean?’ and then jumps right in.” This is her first year playing club soccer, so a lot of the drills and terminology are new to her, but instead of letting that hold her back, she embraces the learning process. Hearing that made me so proud—she’s already applying the mindset I’ve tried to instill at home.
I love when my kids join me in my woodshop. They’re fascinated by how things come
together, and I enjoy answering their endless questions. But even more than that, I love when a plan or idea doesn’t work out the way I’d hoped—because it gives them a front-row seat to real life. They get to see that mistakes and setbacks don’t mean stopping; they mean adapting, learning, and trying again. Sometimes, those moments lead to even better ideas.
My six-year-old often tells me, “Mom, you know everything!” And as flattering as that is, I always correct him: “No, I’m just curious about everything and willing to work hard to find the answers.”
You can never know everything, and sometimes, simply knowing that the answers are out there is more satisfying than having all the information stored in your head. Curiosity and the drive to seek answers are things I never want my kids to outgrow.
Because trying is the first step to growing. And that’s what parenting is all about.
A few questions to help integrate this step into your life:
- How do you respond when you don’t understand something? Do you ask questions confidently, or do you hesitate for fear of looking lost?”
- What’s one thing you’ve always been curious about but never taken the time to explore? How can you start learning about it today?”
- Do your kids feel safe asking questions, or do they worry about being judged? How can you encourage a home environment where curiosity is celebrated?”
- Think about a time when something didn’t go as planned. Did you see it as a failure, or did you turn it into a learning opportunity?”
- How often do you model curiosity and problem-solving for your kids? What’s one way you can show them that learning never stops?”
Challenge: Next time your child asks a question, take a moment to explore the answer together rather than giving a quick response.
The Power of Small Actions
Parenting isn’t about grand gestures—it’s about the small, consistent moments that build confidence, independence, and trust in our kids. Whether it’s praising their strengths, allowing them to express themselves, or fostering open conversations, every effort counts.
Challenge: Choose one small parenting habit to focus on this week and see how it impacts your child.
Conclusion
Parenting with intention is at the heart of positive parenting solutions, where small, everyday moments shape our children into confident, independent individuals. By recognizing their strengths, expressing love in meaningful ways, encouraging curiosity, and allowing them to make choices, we create an environment where they feel supported and capable. These consistent efforts lay the foundation for trust, love, and confidence—qualities that will guide them throughout their lives.
If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed or stuck in the daily grind, consider this your life reset—an opportunity to refocus on what truly matters. When we make intentional choices and build a life we genuinely love waking up to, we not only transform our own well-being but also pass that energy and mindset on to our children. Being a strong mom isn’t about perfection; it’s about showing up, leading with love, and raising a generation of kind, hardworking, and thoughtful adults.
What small parenting habit has made a difference in your home? I’d love to hear your experiences—share your thoughts in the comments below!
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